“Not Rejected by Jesus”

My wife and I moved to a new town over six years ago during the worst crisis we had ever faced in our, then, 33 years of marriage. I had been in the pastoral ministry for more than 27 years serving three different churches. At that time I had been in my last pastorate for going on 18 years. By most standards I appeared to be a successful pastor. I had also served my denomination in many national offices, and, at that time, was the President of our national conference. I really thought I was following the Lord. I thought I was close to Him.

Then, at what should have been a real high point in my career, I made some very bad choices. I did something for which I am profoundly ashamed and desperately sorry. I allowed a friendship with another woman in the church to develop to an inappropriate level. It cost me my ministry, my position in the national conference, my ministerial standing, and could have cost me my marriage and family. In what I did, I turned my back on my wife, my Lord, and my calling. I’ll never forget the feelings of worthlessness. I was utterly rejected by the church and the conference I had served for so long.

Strangely enough my wife was also rejected because she chose to stand by me. That was a horrible time. But, in another way, it was a wonderful time. In our brokenness and rejection we had nowhere to turn but to the Lord.

When we moved we began attending a local church. Week after week we came and week after week we sobbed (especially me) through the message and the worship time. The love and grace of our Lord was so powerfully ministered to us during that time. I had been rejected by many former friends, but I discovered that I was not rejected by Jesus. I had a lot to learn.

For one thing, I had to learn that He loved me just because He loved me, not because of what I could do for Him. I had always been the good boy. Even though I theologically knew better, subconsciously I somehow thought that being a good boy made Him more likely to love me. As I saw myself for the sinner I was, I finally saw Him for the awesome God He truly is. I found forgiveness, and I found peace; but, could I ever be used by Him again? I thank God for the people who said “God isn’t finished with you yet.” I needed to hear that; I wanted to hear that; but I don’t think I believed it. Could I ever do anything that would really make any difference?

God directed me life to become a teacher. Now my congregation is to be a Godly male role model; something some of them don’t have outside of school. I get to show them God’s love. The Lord called me to touch lives in His name, and that’s exactly what He’s allowing me to do. And I get to do ministry stuff as well! Once a month I get to preach at a retirement center. I am a leader in our church, by being a part of developing International Training Recourses to provide Bible education for pastors abroad.

I have an awesome relationship with my wife, and together we are marriage mentors. I will always be very sorry for what I did, but the Lord says it’s buried in the deepest sea, removed as far as the East is from the West, and that’s good enough for me. I don’t know what the future will bring, for me, for you, for any of us. But I can tell you this, whenever you’ve been, whatever you’ve done, if you are willing to let Him have His way, God isn’t finished with you yet!