“Two Hearts Open To Love”

            Mac and Ellie had struggled for years in their marriage. Growing up, Mac had never felt loved by either of his parents and felt rejection from his father who constantly put him down. For as long as he could remember, he had experienced feelings of anger, resentment and rebellion. While in junior high, he was introduced to pornography by some neighborhood friends. Because it seemed to minimize his inner feelings of pain, he was immediately attracted to it and found himself spending hours focusing on the mental images.

            In stark contrast, Ellie was raised in a very godly Christian home where each member of the family was deeply committed to the Lord. Her parents’ goal to make their family a model turned into a pride of believing themselves to be the godliest family in the church. This pressure caused Ellie to cover up some of her inner failures. She became a hypocrite, pretending she had no problems.

            Mac and Ellie met in their church youth group and fell in love. Mac’s commitment to Christ attracted Ellie but she was unaware of his moral problem. During their dating years, Mac pressured her into a premarital physical relationship. She reluctantly responded, only to be overwhelmed by guild. It wasn’t until after they were married that Ellie learned of Mac’s addiction to pornography. In spite of her appeals for him to quit, Mac secretly continued his habit. Ellie felt angry and frustrated. It became increasingly difficult for her to respond to her husband. She felt as though she was being compared to the perfect models of women in pornography and felt dirty and worthless.

            One day a special speaker at church spoke on the importance of emotional intimacy in marriage. He shared that a husband involved in pornography cannot emotionally love his wife above a 3% level. Mac turned to his wife asking if that was true and, with Ellie’s agreement, he understood that she had felt that way for their entire fifteen years of marriage. He immediately wanted to know how to get free.

            Later, he acknowledged each area of moral failure. He confessed the pornography, the hidden desires, and the hypocrisy of pretending that everything was fine when his heart was filled with immoral desires. He then apologized to his wife and asked for her forgiveness. In opening his heart to his wife, he felt a freedom he had never before experienced.

            His wife, on the other hand, was unable to respond because of her bitterness toward him for the damage done to her and the children. He had destroyed her dream of a godly family, as her family had been. As she faced her bitterness, she began to acknowledge the emotional walls she had built against her husband, yet, she still could not emotionally respond. She asked the Lord to reveal what was blocking her from responding. She had been blind to two problems. In trying to pretend that there was no problem in the family, she had fallen into the same hypocrisy that her parents had demonstrated. Also she had tried to control Mac through pride. As soon as those strongholds were resolved, she felt loneliness deep inside. Her heart was open and she was longing to respond to her husband, especially now that he had allowed the Spirit of God to cleanse his heart.

            At home that evening, Ellie had a desire that had been missing for fifteen years, a desire to be close to her husband. She asked if she could sit close to him, feeling she just needed to be with him. The realization hit them that the barriers that had kept them apart were gone and, for the first time, emotional intimacy could be enjoyed.

            The next day at work, Mac was faced with a temptation to focus his desires and thoughts on a lady who was inappropriately dressed. He had no desire to even look, let alone focus his thoughts on her. Instead, his desires and thoughts went back to his wife and the emotional intimacy they had just enjoyed. He didn’t want to destroy it or the freedom he had experienced. Instead, he thanked God for the peace and freedom he was cherishing.

            Ellie’s excitement increased as she realized that her husband’s desires were for her alone. Her heart opened even wider as she reflected on the healing work of God. Now they could be totally open to enjoy the oneness of marriage that God designed for them.